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On a lighter note, I've just got an ipod touch, my mp3 player died a long time ago, been using psp for music ( which doesnt really have much space after u add in the games ) . Academically my results fell a little, not too bad i guess but a pity really, i could have done so much better, i acknowledege the fact that i was not trying my best and i have no idea why either, lack of motivation perhaps? Guess this is a little wake up call for next semester. I've plenty to do for the holidays, the higlight being the hainan overseas community trip, its going to be an eye opener. One step closer to fufilling my goal of seeing the world. Finally started reading again, my personal escape from reality, i wonder when i'd go back to writing my story again. Got back to WoW, doesnt quite feel like the good old times but raiding is fun. The joy u get from grouping up with people to kill a boss is just plain fun, team work i guess. This blog post might lead to another long hiatus again,least till the hainan trip.
I'd bet you all reading this have no idea what the heck just happen to me lol. Nothing serious actually, its my brain acting up once more after so long. Its getting late and I need sleep.
After thoughts:
Our paths cross but never intertwined , think its possible to change it somehow?
- Mood:
contemplative
- Location:1.3604,103.8912
At the stroke of midnight tonight, the year will end. I should be doing my SA project now but I'm going to do some reflecting for the year before it ends. Well, my blog has been dead for sometime, there hasn’t been any posts or whatnot. I guess I've not been in the writing mood for the last couple of months. Ideas seem to have just died out, have I lost it? Perhaps the semester's workload has taken a toil on me, I don’t know. But as the year comes to a close, I have decided to find out what exactly in hell have I been doing.
Well lets see, projects, projects, and projects and a whole lot of procrastination. I seriously need to get rid of that bad habit. Pushing all the work to the tomorrow that never comes. Its like my entire life revolves around school. Personally I don’t think like I'm not getting anywhere, everything feels like standstill, neither here nor there, trapped in Limbo. The fact that everyone else seems to be moving on, getting somewhere, towards something doesn’t help either. Perhaps I need a push off this cliff or something like that to get the momentum moving. Lets hope this all ends together with the year.
Gonna finish this when i get back from marina bay
Just got back, the fireworks were fantastic! Wished it last longer. I like stuff that blows up. Too tired to think for now, i'll continue this post when i wake up. Happy new year! Cheers!
Conflicting emotions, mixed motivations, something has stirred from within.
I received my exam results a couple of days back. A 3.51 GPA, the same as last semester. I'm not sure how I should feel. I didn't improve or "deprove" which kinda means that I wasted 1 semester totally doing nothing. I only thought of 2 possible scenarios, if my GPA went down, I'd probably be more motivated to do better next semester, fear is a very good motivation. If my GPA went up, I'd know that I did this semester right, balancing play and work. But the damn thing did not move, not even a freaking decimal. I don't know where my strengths and weaknesses are. An average for almost all the subjects. A jack of all trades, a master of none? For now, I guess I'll have to be content with the figures. 0315 for 4D anyone? it could be a sign!
The sleepless nights are coming back for some reason. This indescribable feeling that I've somehow drowned out with work back then is coming back and I don't like it. I can't discern what exactly it is though.
Nonetheless, there's the very high possiblity of a japan trip during december planned by the school and I'm going. Finally, something to look forward to!
- Mood:
indifferent
Finally after the weeks of being a slave to the drudgery to that which school imposes, I am once again free. The holidays are here! How I have miss those feelings of freedom, of being able to do almost anything yet choosing not to do anything. Being idle. You are now probably confused and have no idea what I'm trying to say. I usually don't plan what I'm gonna do for the holidays till it ends and complain how much time I've wasted. But this time, things will be different! There's bunch of stuff I've got planned out but I'm not gonna bore you with the details.
Semester 2.1 had been fun i guess, the projects and exams sure got a lot harder though. Academically I think I'm probably gonna do "OK" for the semester but with classmates like mine, my "OK" is gonna be rather pathetic. We'll find out how pathetic my results how sometime next week. Socially, I got to know some of my friends better, while others drift further away. Some things will never change I hope. The class's care person miss grace is leaving , kinda sad to see her go though she was rather demanding of the class. I believe she had our interests at heart. Her advice to me was that I needed to be more decisive and reflective. Am I indecisive? I might be when forced to make a tough decision like Steak or Sushi. Why can't i have both instead? I guess I still have not accept the fact that I cannot have everything. Living in denial is a bad habit. On the reflective side, i find looking at the mirror rather scary. Imagine those horror movies where the white figure pops out from behind you while you looking at the mirror. I still have no idea why ghosts are always white. Or you see yourself getting face melted or the reflection is not you or there's simply nothing to reflect. Kinda scary if you think about it.
Well, Lala-land beckons, time for sleep. My crazy 2.4 km run at puggol park at 6.30 in the morning awaits!
I'd say that 17 years on this planet called earth has been rather enlightening. There were fun times and bad times and more times that have yet to come. There were plenty of successes and failures along the way, non worth mentioning though. But the one thing I learnt from them is that “what does not kill me makes me stronger". A quote from the German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche. The quote helped me out during some hard times, stirred up something within me, gave me strength to overcome. Instant will power recharge when I feel the lack of motivation. Nonetheless, one cannot conquer death so I guess it’s useful till then.
Values, I feel are a product of society. Different societies embrace different values and the whole concept of morals is totally debatable. Morals in my opinion are like unwritten laws that bind the very fabric of society together. Thus different societies have different views of what they think is moral. This is where the conflict begins. People act in glorified self righteousness and fight for what they think is right. Religion, what I like to call "the cancer of humanity" is not helping at all.
My take on values and morals is simple. “Think for yourselves and let others enjoy the privilege to do so, too”. A quote from Voltaire (French philosopher and writer). On the surface, it may seem like its encouraging selfishness but delve deeper. My interpretation is that one should act on in self preservation but then we are not alone. For example, can you be happy if the people around you are sad? I know I can't. “You” does not only consist of you but the people you care about, your friends and family. Eventually, that circle extends out to the entire society. The second part I believe is about not forcing your view of morals/ideas on others or brainwashing them. I have noticed that majority of people have this inability to think for themselves, they tend to follow a strong charismatic leader or believe what the majority thinks. Monkey see, monkey do. For example, People go to war because of orders from the top. If the president of a country declares war, the solders in the army have to fight. Why can't the president fight his own war? Why can't the soldiers think for themselves, "I 'm not fighting just because you ordered me to?" Who in the right mind would want to risk their own lives just to kill another? But once blood flows, it never stops. If everyone could think on their own, they would realize that going to war is definitely not beneficial to them. There are many examples in history of people not thinking for themselves, I shall not go into detail. The bottom line is: You have a brain, use it.
I wouldn't die for my beliefs because I might be wrong. I find blowing myself up to prove a point the pinnacle of human stupidity. The only certain truth is death. Freedom and love are the only things I find worth standing up for, maybe even die for. Love is something which I’ve yet to comprehend though. I'm not sure whether freedom counts as a value to you. The problem with freedom however is when one person's freedom intrudes into another. Tolerance, I feel would be the solution to this grey area depending on each individual's definition of freedom. It would be an interesting topic to crack out heads with but let’s not drift away and focus on the purpose of this essay.
I'm not sure whether I've been twisted and molded into this society's appropriate values yet. Respect, integrity, compassion, cooperation, perseverance, initiative, loyalty? I'm not into narcissism so let’s skip the self praising bullshit. I try to do everything with the best intentions and hope that I do not regret it afterwards. I am only human flawed with mistakes. With regards to character, I think I'm complicated, too many conflicting motivations and needs in this deranged head of mine, so you can judge me by my actions if you like. Some people like me, some people don't, I can’t possibly please the world.
The rough one and a half years in Temasek Polytechnic have been awesome rollercoaster ride. I’ve gain plenty so far: friends, experiences, knowledge. I had the privilege of participating in Polyforum 2007, during which I’ve gained many new insights discussing on various topics such as globalization and social entrepreneurship. Business China of which the minister mentor was there to give a speech about the importance of fostering business relations with China. I’ve no regrets coming to polytechnic whatsoever; this place suits my learning style. I like being able to do things on my own time and target. I think I’ve learnt to be more responsible though I still hate responsibility. Then there’s this fear of not being good enough. The same fear that gives me sleepless nights and forces me to better myself.
Rest assured that no matter what the future holds or whether I’ll even have one, whatever fate the gods have planned for me or whatever hell that awaits me, I do not intend to comply. I have many plans for the future. I hope to tell a story, write a book. There’s this idea that has been stuck in my head for a quite a while now. As for the rest of my plans, let’s keep them under wraps for now, lest we lose the surprise.
The state of the nation - violation!
A broken promise is as good as a lie
The hell is humongous, the devil's among us
and we will burn because we won't unite!
We won't witness anymore freedom.
What does anybody do with freedom?
I would rather fight,
than let another die
We're the problem,
but we're also the solution
ALL HOPE IS GONE!!!
If you want you cannot take it from me
If you think you can, you still don't know me
Let me tell you, when I said it, I meant it
and I will always have the right to defend it
Fifty seconds, a hundred minutes
The bill of rights is a bill of sale
What will you do when the war is over?
What will you do when your system fails!?
We have made the present -obsolete
What do you want?
What do you need?
We'll find a way,
When all hope is gone!
We've seen the fall of the elite
Bury your life,
Sink your disease
We'll end the world,
When all hope is gone!
The wretched are the wounded,
The hungry starved to death
At a place where no-one goes,
the air itself is a final breathe
So discontinue,
the antisceptic cash charade
As the cry of justice comes,
I'm gonna let this fire free!
I am the reason your future suffers
I am the hatred you won't embrace
I am the worm of a pure distinction
I am the remedy, spit in my face!
All your lies and wars are out-dated
All your subjects are dulling mind games
I can let all of another million reason why,
but doesn't matter when the only thing will never die!
I'm back here once again! I survived the term tests with a couple of scratches but nothing too serious.
Tomorrow morning I shall be on a plane heading for Heathrow airport. LONDON hell yea! 13 freaking long hours! The ultimate movie marathon! SIA better have some good movies to watch. I predict my ass is gonna be numb when I get down the plane.
This trip would be the furthest I travelled in my entire life so far. I guess the trip would also be a welcomed break from everything in Singapore. One week in a foreign country, new sights and sounds, new foods to savor, potential opportunities and screwups. Its one heck of an adventure and I cant wait. I'm gonna have problems getting sleep tonight.
I have a couple of things on my agenda for this trip.
- Firstly there's the GC requirements proposal thingy
- Check out the bookstores there and hopefully find treasure
- See the landscapes and building architecture ( For my story, its been a long time but I'm still working on it)
- Sit on every freaking coaster in paris disneyland
- Have my picture taken with my middle finger raised in every major site visit
- Lastly to have a hell of a time.
Well I guess that’s about it for now. I'll be back in about a week. To whoever's reading this, miss me ok? lol
The week before the storm. I think its funny that i find time to post something during the most hectic time, its a perfect excuse to distract myself. Well, lets not go over all the stuff i need to hand in next week, it will scare the living daylights out of you. But i think i'd survive. i hope.
ok back to cmsk, lets not waste time.
The Square Root of 3 by Dave Feinberg
I’m sure that I will always be
A lonely number like root three
The three is all that’s good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath the vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine
For nine could thwart this evil trick,
with just some quick arithmetic
I know I’ll never see the sun, as 1.7321
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality
When hark! What is this I see,
Another square root of a three
As quietly co-waltzing by,
Together now we multiply
To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer
We break free from our mortal bonds
With the wave of magic wands
Our square root signs become unglued
Your love for me has been renewed
Patch.2.1 FBI
New modules have been introduced with standard heroic difficulty. Venture deep into deriatves and explore cash, fund investment! the new modules are sure to kick your ass! ! Failure of any one will result in instant death!
Guess I'd better go enjoy my last few hours of holiday. Back to to wow!
You claim to know a thing or two about heartache
And what it's like to have your insides torn out
And I believe you
I see it every time your pallbearer's pallor is obscured
By the darkness dancing across your face
And when the blackness veils your eyes in pain
I know what it's like when memories make you wince
And love letters read like obituaries
And photo albums are the books of the dead
I need no reminders
No more reminders
I'll forget the past and lay it to rest
If I had my way I'd cut the calluses
Off your breaking heart
If I could get past the sternum
Cauterize those wounds with every kiss I could give to you
I'm holding your heart in my hands
The reason it still beats
Am I being too cryptic?
Am I being too obscure?
Love kills
Romance is dead
And I don't even trust myself
But I love you
And you can pull my wings apart
And pin me down under glass
Until the end of days
If it can help you discover that we share the same pain
I just hope you write your thesis before your subject is dead
No life after death
My new guitar! IN ALL ITS GLORY!!
RAWR!!!!!
